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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Talk Tok

17th October 2006

Ohh.. I've been happily reading all of my fren's blog and leaving reviews.. Somehow I've made Lisa's blog as a talk show.. hehehe

However I still am left clueless if Jannah has an updated blog or not.. hmm.. Sayang! If u are reading this, pass me your blog link!.. there.. message sent *chuckles*

Also found out that Lisa got another job.. and another weird dream of getting hitched.. *giggles.. that gal can be so dreamy at lots of time..

The haze is trying to choke the breath out of me.. Can't breathe properly and I've been having eye irritation since day 1...

Monday, October 16, 2006

Stupid idiots

16th October 2006

I am officially declared Ulcers Free!! Woohoo! So now my dear beloved food, I take great pleasure in eating you.. hahaha...

So what's up in my hermit's life? Stupid TNB took an off day this morning at 1.15am and we were left in the dark medival ages until.. *drum rolls* 3pm!! So ladies and gentlemen, the 4D number of the day is 1153.

What the hell were the TNB thinking?!! From 1.15am all the way to 3pm, no electricity. Good thing I was fasting, else I don't think I can stop the words from spewing out of my mouth. All of my neighbour's factory frozen food went bad and other manufacturing factories went shutdown. Called up 15454, and the operator had the cheek to inform us that everything will be ok by 12noon. Hello?!! What the hell is the other 3 hours for? Coffee break?

I just don't get it.. Why is it that our place always get power blackout? Why can't Putrajaya or KL or the president's building got 15hrs power blackout? I'd like to see that happen to them and take great pleasure at watching TNB squirm under live fire.

Anyway went out to Danga Bay. There is a Bangkok fair. Good nice thingys. Nice clothes *drools*.. but no shoes.. (-_-)"

Haiz.. so no new shoes for my Raya..

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Oh yeah...



14th October 2006,

Didn't do anything much but feeding my hungry and almost dried up brain cells with cartoons and more cartoons. Too bad I miss the stupidity of Spongebob Square Pants. But there were other good cartoons that Tv3 makes up for my great loss. (^_^)

Then got a surprising shock during Break Fast time. My elder brother and his family came over to break their fast. Luckily there was enough food to go around, considering we usually cook just enough for 3 people unless there was visitors.

Athira was happily munching on Maccoroni Soup like the rest of us (I have mouth ulcers remember..). Then Kak Mar had mom's most famous and Abang Adik's favourite dish, Ikan Sepat Masak Lemak Lada Padi..

They went off at 9pm or so.. Duh! They have almost 12hours of driving to reach Kedah. (pops in another Kuih Baulu)

Hmm... what to cook tomorrow? Should I cook Fish Masala with Briyani Rice or Chicken Tikka Masala? Haiz.. decisions..

Oooh!!! Mom is frying french fries!!! I love you mom!!

(runs off to prepare another cup of coffee)

Ps: the pic above was taken during a REWANG nite for my relatives wedding;
time: 1am, status: dead tired... see how oily and tired I look?

Friday, October 13, 2006

13th September 2006

Friday the 13!!!

I finally realised my good friend is attached!! But she didn't tell me at all.. *sniff* some fren you are, Qiuting...

But I'm happy for her.. Finally after years of being single, she finally shed her title and got herself a guy. Woohoo!! Her first boyfriend... another game freak..

hahaha...


Your Flirt Quotient
You are 60% Flirt
How Much of a Flirt Are You?

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Ulcers..


11th October 2006

Yay for me cuz all my editing for accounts are done and waiting to be send for auditing.

However amidst my happiness, somethin irritating has been sprouting.. I'm attacked by ulcers!! And to make my life miserable, its right underneath the back of my tongue. There goes all my favourite food... down the drain..

Drat!! Now I'm only allowed to eat non-heaty, non-oily and non-spicy food.

I hate ulcers!!

Oh yeah regarding Indigo Eyes, the chapter 17 is currently being composed. Anyone wanna request any special scenes in the chapter? But then.. this chapter contains strong plot and any affection related is tough to add in the chapter..

However if anyone is requesting for special scenes, I'll try my best to fit in something..

*goes off glaring at the bland looking food*

Monday, October 09, 2006

Kissy.. Kish..

9th October 2006

Last weekend was a family reunion. My brother's family came down from Kedah.. yeah I know he's suppose to be in UK but he decided to drop by his mother-in-law's place.. Then at 9.30am my elder sister's family along with my siblings came and it was chaotic.

Two-year old kids running around and screaming in glee with the adults chasing after them and trying to catch the whirlwind of disasters.. *snickers* the toddlers are extremely cute together and the mess they make in their wake makes me smile in fond memories.

Of course there were the usual family bantering and occasional smack from mom and a loud "Oww" from my elder brother.. One would think family life would mature one's character but in this case, it doesn't work on him... *snickers madly*

Siblings were as usual, abusing my poor computer and PS2. My elder sister was hogging the tv with her Korean Drama Fest.. God help us from the Korean Drama hungry woman.. hehehe.. Can you believe she actually spend the whole 2 days and 2 days in the last weekend just to finish her Princess Hours drama.. Good thing her husband put his foot down when she wanted to watch My Girl.. (^-^)

Too bad my camera was spoilt if not I would have snap loads of Snap Shots.. you know me, anything original with no posing, is my cup of tea.. hehehe

Ok gotta go now.. wanna watch my Musang Berjanggut.
(^_^)


Somethings I had taken out of my friend's bulletin board:
Message:

Message: Put numbers in the boxes instead of x's(ex. 1, 2, 3, 4,)repost as"I have lived through _ of these 99 things.

  • [1] I have read a book before
  • [2] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
  • [ ] I have been to Canada.
  • [3] I have been on some sort of sports team.
  • [4] I have watched cartoons for hours before
  • [5] I have tripped UP the stairs.
  • [6] have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
  • [ ] have been snowboarding/skiing.
  • [ 7] I have played ping pong.
  • [ 8] I swam in the ocean.
  • [ ] I have been on a whale watch.
  • [9] I have seen fireworks.
  • [] I have seen a shooting star.
  • [ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
  • [10] I have almost drowned.
  • [11] I have been so embarrassed I wanted todisappear.
  • [12] I have listened to one cd over & over & overagain.
  • [ 13] I have had stitch(es).
  • [ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
  • [14] I have stayed up til 6am doing homeworkprojects.
  • [15] I currently have a job.
  • [ ] I have been ice skating.
  • [] I have been rollerblading.
  • [16] I have fallen flat on my face.
  • [17] I have tripped over my own two feet.
  • [ 18] I have been in a fist fight.
  • [19] I have played videogames/com for more than 3hours straight.
  • [20] I have watched The Power Rangers before.
  • [ ] I do have attended Church regularly. ** Sorry lah babe, Muslim here...
  • [21] I have played truth or dare.
  • [22] I have already had my 16th birthday.
  • [23] I have already had my 17th birthday.
  • [24] I've called someone stupid. And meant it.
  • [25] I've been in a verbal argument
  • [27]I've cried in school.
  • [26] I've played basketball on a team.
  • [ 28] I've played softball on a team.
  • [29 ] I've played football on a team.
  • [] I've played soccer on a team.
  • [ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
  • [ ] I've swam on a team.
  • [30] I've been swimming more than 20 times in mylife.
  • [ ] I've bungee jumped.
  • [] I've climbed a rock wall before.
  • [31] I've lost more than $20.
  • [32] ive called myself an idiot
  • [33] I've called someone else an idiot
  • [34] i cried myself to sleep
  • [35] i had (or have) pets.
  • [ 36] I've owned a Spice Girls cd. and or tape
  • [] I've owned a Britney Spears cd
  • [37 ] I've owned an N*Sync cd
  • [38] I've owned a Backstreet Boys cd
  • [39] I've mooned someone
  • [ 40] I've sworn at someone in authority
  • [41 ] I've been in the schoolnewspaper / insights.
  • [ ] I've been on TV[37 I've eaten sushi.
  • [ 42] I've been on the other side of a waterfall
  • [ 43] I've watched all of the Lord of the Ringsmovies.
  • [ 44] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
  • [ 45] I've watched the 3 Stooges at least once.
  • [] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
  • [46] I've watched Looney Tunes before.
  • [ ] I've been stuffed into a locker
  • [47] I've been called a geek.
  • [ 48] I've studied hard for a test and got a badgrade... hates maths in primary school!!
  • [49] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
  • [50] I've written poetry.
  • [] I've been arrested
  • [52] I've been attracted to someone much olderthan me
  • [ 53] I've been tickled till I've cried
  • [54 ] I've tickled someone else until they cried
  • [55] I've had / have siblings
  • [ ] I've been to a rock concert
  • [ 56] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it
  • [57] I've been in a play
  • [ ] I've been picked last in gym class
  • [58 ] I've been picked first in gym class or so
  • [ ] Ive been picked in that middle-range in gymclass.
  • [59] I've cried in front of my friends
  • [ 60] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages
  • [61] I've freaked out over a sports game
  • [] I’ve vomited in public
  • [62] I've washed someone else’s vomit.. **I got irritating siblings
  • [ ] I’ve ran away
  • [ 63] I’ve had a stalker..** made my whole 6 years of life a living hell *shudders*
  • [64] I've had a fight with someone on txt
  • [65] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face
  • [66] I've been in a car accident
  • [67] I've forgiven someone who has done somethingbad to me
  • [68 ] I've personally seen someone die
  • [] I've been confronted by a police officer butgot away
  • [69] I've lost someone who meant the world to me

Wow... so now I've officially done 69/99 stuffs.. interesting ain't it?

Friday, October 06, 2006

Jaken-sama!! So kawaii!!




6th October 2006

I didn't want to wake up this morning but the irritating cheerful birds are so annoying! Wonder where the hell they find so much pent up energy to be so annoyingly cheerful in the morning. I wanted to sleep in...

At least my suspected flu decided to take a chill during the day.. but now.. haiz.. My throat is aching all over again and I'm currently feeling as terrible as Jaken here..

I hate getting sick.....

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Chill With SiSters...



5th October 2006

Hah!! Finally!! I finally managed to hang out with my 'sisters'... *grins ruefully* after 2 years of parting, I finally managed to squeeze sometime out and chill!! It was so nice to relive the old days, of course with us being a few years older and much wiser.

We went and purged whatever that is there in Kampng Glam, Arab Street and Geylang Serai. I, bought myself 2 pairs of ear rings which I think is the best steal. The design is so unique and goes with any clothes I pick. The three of us also splurge on an outdated and ex-stock items that was once so expensive, a china silk sling bag. I can't believe what used to be 3 for $10 is now reduced to $1 each.. hahaha.. so guys, next time you have you eyes set on sometime ex and new in the market with only a few cents to spare, wait for a few years for the price to drop.

Also was stopped 3 times by sweet old ladies that got very curious at the Songket Top I was wearing. Yes.. It's an old Songket and yes.. It belongs to my mom.. Can't remember how many times I have to repeat it again and again, much to Lisa's amusement..
(-_-)"

Found out quite alot of new stuffs about my 'sisters'. Jannah is now taking a civil engineering course which I obviously think is a great achievement. Lisa took a private diploma on business management, perhaps I should let her handle my accounts *snickers* and she being the gooofy one, always forget to tell US that she now has a new boy-toy.. hehehe.. yes, I purposely use that crude word.. hahaha

Then we dragged in Nurdin, the lazy Chill Man. Had another round of Maniac on the Loose show, courtesy from the four of us. Surprising, we weren't on the front headlines.. We had left lots of chaos in our wake.. hehehe..

Ahh yes... once again I finally managed to instill my wacko maniac powers on those near me.. hehehe..

Grandma is not getting better. Doctor says she's having stroke. Atuk is having Gout, poor him.. no more favourite food. Cik Lala and family broke fast at granny's house with the order from my mom. Mom cooked Briyani Fish Masala and Bone-Steak.. Indian food, good for me!! ( ^_^ )

Unfortunately, I have forgotten to take a photo with Lisa.. Haiz.. That lady ah.. Nevermind, next time I'll lcoked her down and snap her photo with me when she's daydreaming again.. hehehe..

*goes off munching on Kerepek Ubi Sambal*

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Hitting the Rocks


28th September 2006,

Ah... After finally wrecking and squeezing every brain cells I have on work, as usual, finally got some peace time for myself. Broke my fast with Asam Pedas that was overcooked, my mom forgot to turn off the stove.

So now I'm plugged with Goth Music and Death Metal at the highest volume my surround-system headphone could manage which I tell is VERY loud.. But... Ahhh... the music is so relaxing... the rythm guitar and the drum beat is smashing.. been a long time since I can relax myself to such music.. hehehe

I can't stand listening to nasal singing which so many locals so love to sing with.. A desecration to perfect music.

My work is almost 3/4 complete but its so difficult to find a good worker. Any electrician interested in working for my company? Good pay.. but of course you got lots of work cut out for you...

I'm pleased to finally manage to post up the complete chapter 16 of Indigo Eyes. But the stupid thing is when I finally re-read on the posted fic, I finally realise that I forgot to add the part whereby Aunt Agatha ask Ryu why he's wearing that contrasting pink with orange frills shirt.. Oh well.. can always add that one in the later chapters.

Hehehe.. Also see my new icon, Indigo Eyes.. can't help it, got too itchy.. I tried to find a less noise and dusty looking Demando but sadly the quality of anime at that time is bad. Had tried to put a vector mask and all those other nonsense to make Demando look less contrasted and de-speckled and only ended what you see now.

Did some cropping and quick adjustments to Usagi so she wouldn't look so awkward. Couldn't figure out what design look best on them.. oh the decisions.. but finally got a weird idea and voilla!! Not the best though but at least better than nothing.

SO anyone to donate me any good Demando pictures so I can satisfy my icon mania craving? hehehe...

Ps: hmm... found out that template will go haywire when you put weird characters in the title and the contents like the directory backslash. It will cause all the words even in the main nav bar being crossed out.. this is like the 4th time I'm trying to post this but the stupid blog kept saying there's an error in the command I put in.. stupid program..

Monday, September 25, 2006

Hadi Won..


25th September 2006,

Oh sweet heavenly Caramel Macchiato!!

Another Malay stood as the reigning champion for Singapore Idol, Hadi, woohoo for us. But seriously from my point of view, I think Hadi doesn't have that quality to be an idol. Unlike Taufiq Batisah who already have that mysterious aura with him that hypnotises listeners with just his voice, Hadi totally lacks that quality.

I finally found my missing diamond ring.. hehehe.. it was hidden underneath my bed. Yippee for mum, who so loves me and cleaned my room.. *snickers* I have almost given up hope in finding the ring..

Ramadan is back again and I still haven't manage to go for Terawih Prayers, perhaps tomorrow.. At least I make up for the loss by continously reading the Quran and currently I'm in the Suratul Al-Nisaq. Been also waking up late in the morning, catching up lost of sleep.

Mosquitoes are hollowing down on me and I need to get that insecticide before they find me tasty... gah!!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Lost and still searching...


22nd September 2006,

Can you believe this? I had stayed up all night reading the quotation and I found that its not even complete. Kept calling my supplier but he off his handphone.. So now waiting diligently for his call.

Morning started off with a bang with my dad.. Oh its just the usual work discussion that went wrong which of course nearly shook the rafters and the building foundation.. hehehe... But now the storm is calm and birds are chirping once again.. hehehe..

Going for meeting in about a few hours, my brain is still trying to switch off and go into hibernation. Did I tell you that last night was warm!! I didn't on the air-con but I did open the windows and its still warm...

Going to go to Singapore later also. Ramadan is tomorrow.. No food, no drink, good slimming month.. hoorah!!

picture lova link

Friday, September 15, 2006

Milk


15th September 2006,

Weird of all mysteries... Had Kaya/Margarine sandwhich in the morning.. Also had one large cup of hot Nespray Milk.. ahaha.. yes dearies, this woman here is a heavy drinker of piping hot milk, other than coffee of course. Hahaha...

I always have all my hot drink straight from the boiling kettle, can never drink warm or cold beverages like coffee, milk and tea. So yeah, dad was eyeing my cup and giving me that weird look before chuckling. What? Is it strange to see a 21yr old woman enjoying a piping hot cup of milk?

Oh yeah, another picture, another new cute icon.. ahaha.. did it within 15mins. I'm wanting to do Diamond/Usagi icon but all the Diamond pictures are heavily contrasted and very little in quantity. *jumps around merrily*

Any good artist wanna help me indulge in my current state of interest?

Did nothing much but cracking my brains over the company's website that is still under construction.. ahaha.. yeah its slow in progress.. Hey I just recently had my inspiration on getting the design, so now am scouring around for the pictures and stuffs I wanted as the mixed design in the site.

Gah.. my left eye is giving me pains again.. It has been throbbing madly since last night..

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Sexually Stunning

13th September 2006,




zackire --

[adjective]:

Sexually stunning



'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com



So now I'm sexually stunning.. ahaha.. Actually the first result that came was "Extreme Blogger".. the truth was much more stunning to myself.. ahaha.. Anyway my theory on this is QuizGalaxy.com the answers are all randomed and you can press it again and again to get the results you wanted, like what I did.. hehehe..

Happy clicking!!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Another one...


11th September 2006,

Sleepy.. that's what I'm feeling now. Still not yet finishing up my Chapter 11 of Indigo Eyes.

Woke up with a raging migraine, not happy... Made Kuih Talam Suji.. Yummy

Ugh.. not working properly now.. Sleepy...

Saturday, September 09, 2006

New Toy!!


9th September 2006,

I got a new toy!!! Woohoo!!! *Grins like mad*

See that new icon? I made that!! Ahaha.. I got the original pic from http://www.angelfire.com/anime5/rkyamaguchirow/ and began my remodelling into this within the hour.. ahaha.. I so love my new toy..

I got other sets of icons and I'll be putting it up on each new posts.. ahaha... new toy, new itch, new things!! I so love the picture with lots of smut between my two most favourite pair.

Regarding the Indigo Eyes, I'm almost done with it.. well 3/4 of it. I can't decide whether to set in the ideas that had just sprouted in my mind days ago or just leave it like that. But if I leave it like that, then the next chapter will be short.

I'm also thinking of indulging on doing drabbles. Its much easier to be doing them than pouring my brains of on the next idea for the next chapter and its based on randomness... However I can't decide on which anime the drabbles will be posted about. There are some reviewers who had personally requested for me to start venturing into Rurouni Kenshin and there are those who wanted for Hana Yori Dango but I'm pinning for my Demando/Usagi ficlets..

Decision, decision, decisions.. tough...

Sunday, September 03, 2006

This and That...


3rd September 2006

Gah! I woke up, did all my household chores and yada-yada before suddenly my mom shouted, "Kin, it's your dad's birthday!"

Oh shit! I totally had forgotten about it. How could I have forgotten something which I have remembered last week? Argh.. my brain and memory needs a through revamp. For what I have forgotten, I made it up in my cooking. Good thing I'm a whipy chef..

It seems I have also forgotten to add a link to the Sesshoumaru-chibi pic in my later post. http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/8931387/ That's the link for it... Sorry Sammy about forgetting to add the link.. hehehe...

Keep forgetting.. keep forgetting...

Anyway there was a Mat Rempit show aired in one of the TV programmes. Those insufferable monkey-brained homosapiens totally should be rounded up like animals and locked sentenced to 6 years of gruelling basic millitary training. That'll teach those idiots not to monkey around the roads and harming the lives of other motorists. I totally hated them. The pests of the roads.

Unfortunately I am once again unable to complete my Chapter 16 of Indigo Eyes. This time I am not blaming anyone because I'm still exhausted over the previous weeks incident. I'll try my best to hook up some of my spare time for it, although the chances look very minimal.

Still searching for fanfic challenges that look interesting for me to take up with. Hm... Perhaps I should take up some of the drabbles fest.. Looks very interesting considering it's more easier to whip it up instead of trying to mix and match chapters together..

Oh well...

Before I forget!!!! the link for the cute picture of Edward Alphonse above:
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/14679829/

ciaoz!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Death is weighing us...

27th August 2006


Another month or so has passed and I've been too busy to keep this thing updated. I've finally managed to update my Chapter15 of Indigo Eyes and currently working on the next chapter. I had intended to finish it and post it up by the end of this month but there are lots of things going downhill.

My grandma, the only blood connected one that is still living is dying. She actually fell on 8th August and was warded in the hospital for 2 weeks. During her stay in the hospital, she was acting very weird and her condition worsened when she was discharged.

She complained to being hot and joint discomfort and my family and I was recalled to take care of her. My third aunty was the main helper and our help was most appreciated by her. We had to nurse and literally be at her beck and call. It broke my heart to see my strong and usually lively grandma being so weak and almost lifeless.

I wanna cry, but I can't. I have to be strong, someone needs to be strong in the wave of emotional tears. God, I actually work my ass off until 4am in the moring just to keep my composure intact.

If she is going to die, let her go in peace and let her meet all her relatives first before passing. I'm gonna miss her. She is the only unique gem in all of the diamond and rubies in the world. It really hurts...

I'll be going back to Singapore again tomorrow once I've settled all the things here. The faster I finish, the faster I can get back to my grandma...

Hold on... I wanna see her one last time...

Friday, June 30, 2006

What? He's Taken?!!

30th June 2006

Oh man... Just when I finally found someone worthy of my crazy affection, I found out his taken.. Man.. Just when I was about to download his pictures and make a wallpaper on my desktop.. Haiz..

He's so cute and adorable in that drama.. So downright juicy and well..uh.. better not tell.. hahaha.. Wanna know who I'm talking about? Its Ruan Jing Tian a Taiwanese Hottie starring the drama, "Forest, My Home".. Hot man.. damn hot and his smile.. oohh... *drools*

I so totally love his acting.. For once its not the stiff faces actors. He really can bring the character out and when he acts as a cute little boy, we'll he totally blew off my top, nearly got hypertension out of it.. hehehe

Anyway too bad found out he's dating his co-actress from "Forest, My Home". He's born in 8th November 1982.. hahaha... it seems hes nearly as old as me.. hahaha..

Anyway nowadays life is getting ok.. not that much of stress but still not on the rocks. Oklah better log off.. Ciaoz!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Not good

12th June 2006

Not good.. Not good at all...

Lately life is tumbling me into some unknown tsunami except that right now the waves doesn't stop crashing on me.

Currently stupid delivery company keep giving me problems and my customer is chasing after me like hounding hyenas. Keep calling the delivery company and until now I do not have the airway bill!!! Grr....

I'm still fuming over that inconvenience... Its been 2 months already...

I have completed my chapter 15 of Indigo Eyes but unfortunately I couldn't find any time to type it out..

Kids came over and been bugging me off my sleep.. Can you believe that at 12 midnight they still wanna talk? Haiz.. Kids will always be kids..

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Grr...

20th April 2006

Didn't do anything much today except work and more work. However I manage to actually bury the accounts for the time being in some dusty corner in the office which is oblivious to everyone.. *snickers.. what? *blinks innocently* Those monsters gave me nightmares...

Of course there was a few sight seeing done while I was doing my work in the net... Finally realised that there are such things as spray stockings. Yeah I know the product has long been in the market but hey... I am a hermit : p

Yesterday decided to be the Chef of the Day. I cooked two dishes and I can assure both are steaming.. hehehe

I am reading up on Australia and China Free Trade agreement now while trying to get ideas on what to write in this site.. LOL.. Oh yeah I finally managed to borrow Tenequil, 2nd book of High Druid of Shannara by Terry Brooks. But here's the shocking part: I haven't even started reading it.. Yes I know.. very shocking to find me, the book freak, to actually pass an opportunity like this.

Dunno lah *shrugs* nowadays I'm not at all interested in anything else except the commentary reviews written in Star newspapers.. hehehe.. now that is an entertainment. I love the comments left by frisked Malaysians who are either unhappy with their way of living or others.

After living here in Malaysia, I can only say one thing about their customers service. BAD. I don't want to bring up a few suggestions cuz it will most probably fill up the whole page..

Anyway currently I'm doing the first stages of Chapter 15 of Indigo Eyes.. yeah.. yay to all of my beloved readers.. *gah*

I think I better stop now.. I just can't carry on trying to act all cheery at this moment. My crams are killing me...