Grr...

20th April 2006

Didn't do anything much today except work and more work. However I manage to actually bury the accounts for the time being in some dusty corner in the office which is oblivious to everyone.. *snickers.. what? *blinks innocently* Those monsters gave me nightmares...

Of course there was a few sight seeing done while I was doing my work in the net... Finally realised that there are such things as spray stockings. Yeah I know the product has long been in the market but hey... I am a hermit : p

Yesterday decided to be the Chef of the Day. I cooked two dishes and I can assure both are steaming.. hehehe

I am reading up on Australia and China Free Trade agreement now while trying to get ideas on what to write in this site.. LOL.. Oh yeah I finally managed to borrow Tenequil, 2nd book of High Druid of Shannara by Terry Brooks. But here's the shocking part: I haven't even started reading it.. Yes I know.. very shocking to find me, the book freak, to actually pass an opportunity like this.

Dunno lah *shrugs* nowadays I'm not at all interested in anything else except the commentary reviews written in Star newspapers.. hehehe.. now that is an entertainment. I love the comments left by frisked Malaysians who are either unhappy with their way of living or others.

After living here in Malaysia, I can only say one thing about their customers service. BAD. I don't want to bring up a few suggestions cuz it will most probably fill up the whole page..

Anyway currently I'm doing the first stages of Chapter 15 of Indigo Eyes.. yeah.. yay to all of my beloved readers.. *gah*

I think I better stop now.. I just can't carry on trying to act all cheery at this moment. My crams are killing me...

I Totally DESPISE doing Accounts!!!

12th April 2006,

I'm starting to think that someone or some annoying entity totally hates me or have a cynic humor at seeing me wallowing in misery.

The stupid dateline is nearing soon which means all the irritating and most hated Accounts have to be nicely done and balanced. It would be extremely easy and fun thing to do but unfortunately my hatred towards that particualar subject grows deep and I totally DESPISE that horrible fill-up-the-columns-with- numbers-subject.

Yuck!!! The very sight of those numbers makes me shudders but unfortunately I had to do the blasted accounts since none was able to do it except me.. Why can't anyone understand the fact that I got a E8 for accounts on my O'Levels... But No.... just because I manage to do such a 'great' job last year, the blasted thing had to be shouldered by me... Holy Ballistic!!

grr... Anyway I shouldn't get my entire life be destroyed by mere numbers. I finally updated chapter 14 of Indigo Eyes and lots of the readers are jumping up and down in joy.. hehehe.. I so love enjoy writing even though there are times I grumble at the time it took to finish one chapter up. But to read the lovely reviews the readers wrote just made my day and currently my brain is plugging out new ideas for the upcoming chapter. But the problem is.. when can I find a free time to slot in... hmm...

The sales I'm doing is giving me a headache. Too many enquiries but rarely returned with a good sales promises.. haiz... I need to clinched at least 4 deals before the month ends to make this thing work out.. Impounding headache is gonna kill me one day.

I tried to clean up my extremely messy table but somehow it got messier than before.. hehehe.. I wonder how that happens... Hmm... *snickers*

The metal cutter machine broke down again and I had to repair it. This is not the first time the machine broke down but at least it didn't try to take my arm off unlike the other blue colored circular saw machine. I still remember that scary time *shudders*. It was last year and I was doing a troubleshoot on the machine since it broke down due to some unforseen reasons.

I had checked all of the connectivity of the wire and everything seems to be working, the carbon brush, the motor, everthing basically. Thinking to test it, I plugged in the machine and on it. At first it was ok but after a few seconds the machine began to vibrate dangerously and the grinding blade began to wobble. Before I could even manage to turn it off, suddenly the machine lets out an explosive sound and a huge portion of the blade was flying like a broken disc straight to me.

Thankfully I was wearing long sleeved denim jacket, goggles and gloves (I always wear them everytime I did engineering works) else my left hand would have certainly been sliced off. A good portion of my jacket was thorn off, saving me with lacerations on my arm. It turns out that the machine which was originally sold to us was missing a few important parts and I was blowing my top off at the idiotic company's QA inspection.

Until now, that scare constantly appeared everytime I was given an Engineering Task be it welding, troubleshoot, metal cutting, latheing.. Haiz..

But at least I get to cut some slack on the accounts!!! Yippee!!!!

Accounts are very evil creations....

Great Sunday...

10th April 2006

I'm hungry and extremely sleepy at this moment but that is not what I'm gonna rant today. In fact I'm not gonna do anything but do a summarized retelling of what I did during my weekends.

On Saturday didn't do anything much until evening. Went to library and borrowed Terry Brook's 2nd book on the High Druid Saga.. *starry eyed* Oh went out with Nana, my cousin, and she was late, as usual.. haiz.. I'm starting to think that habit runs in the family.. *snickers*

Then went to surprise Udin, my other younger cousin who I am extremely closed to, when he was doing his Silat ( Malay traditional martial arts practice). He was having this stand at the attention test whereby he can't move at all even at the immediate scare by his Teacher. So these two cookcoos cousins of his went up to him and shouted our greetings and of course, me being dense was irritated at the lack of response.

Luckily Nana saw the small finger signal of his, else I would have certainly made a total fool out of myself. Duh!! I was literally about to march to that little mushroom and bonk him on his head for his lack of response... lol.. Can't fault me, I'm very attached to him and Nana and to act nonchalant to me would be a great insult.. Hmph!!

Anyway after the practice, had a nice time sponging off my beloved aunty and uncle at a Chinese Muslim food court.. Yummy.. love the Mapo Tofu... Made my uncle the main spotlight of the 'Endless Teasing Session' due to his accidental amnesia habit..lol.. We also had a nice time being nutsy and being our childish self which I can tell you is such a great enjoyment. Went back to granny's house at 11pm.

Sunday, now this is a extremely shiok and busy to the core day... Lets see if I can remember all those things we did... Hmm...The morning was extremely boring even though I did all of the household chores while mom did the cooking. But the best part was when I totally forgot the time I was supposed to meet my Ex.. (gasp??) Yes.. I met my ex and had a damn good time *sticks out her tongue* I can't believe that I actually forgot the time I was supposed to meet.. hehehe.. it seems that my uncle's amnesia disease is very contagious.

12pm, I was enjoying what supposed to be BanMian, a free treat I managed to sponge off from some overgrown cute hamster..lol.. oh yeah for such a long time since I last seen him, I was extremely shocked at his size.. he was.. um... hahaha.. a lil huge.. dunno lah.. I had thought he was supposed to be a little slim since the last time I saw him... hm.. Must be my eyesight then.. *snickers*

Unfortunately the food wasn't as good as last time. The standard has dropped drastically. The content of chicken meat used to be alot but now I only get thin pathetic slices of what's supposed to be chicken *frowns*.. very saddening.. Didn't do nothing much except for talking nonstop which I can tell you is such a good feeling.. hehehe... can't help myself, I just love to talk.

Come to think of it, just seeing him in front of me makes me extremely happy and I was tempted to just cross that table and hug him.. but nah... he'll think me as nutsy. The first few moments was quite awkward but after my incessant talking, well things just went smoothly. After the 'makan session' we walked around while I try to embask myself in the air of the shopping mall, I do miss shopping but due to some tight financial standings, that pleasure has to be put on a loooong hold.

Had a tough time trying to decide what junk food the kids would like to eat. Lastnight I had told my cousins to party at granny's place which they of course immediately agreed to it. I usually organised these get together occassion whenever I'm in Singapore since we RARELY meet. So anyway.. finally decided that Post Almond Cereals, WanWan crackers and home-cook food would be the menu of the day.

Then what else happen ah... drat.. I kinda forgot.. hmm... Oh yes!! Had a great time pigging out at granny's place when the kids finally came over. We did some Most Embarassing Stories sharing and of course... the TRUTH N DARE GAME.. Now that game brings chuckles every moment I thought about it..

Amazing what the game could actually do to kids who have a knack of getting themselves in hot soup at most times. Lets see the weird dares the kids had to do.. Nana had to knock the next door neighbour's house three loud times before she can make her escape, Udin had to put on lipstick and eyeliner much to everyone's glee and his mortification... hehehe.. I had to actually bargain with him to only put my lipstick on him instead of both the eyeliner and the latter, took him 5 mins or so before he finally agreed. hehehe.. He kept figeting and tasting the lipstick and commenting how disgusting the taste was which of course made us laughed harder.

Shahrul, my younger bro, had to go down on bended knees and declare his undying love to my cute and sporting, Aunty Ana, and get her to return his love with a kiss on his cheeks... *snickers* shiok!!! His face was filled with pure horror and the poor kid nearly puked out when he was bestowed with a kiss.. at this point, all of us was dying with laughter.

Ayu, my younger sis and the baby of the family, had to dig her ears and her nose and of course licked the residue off. It made us gagged, Nana's face was crunching with disgust while Udin was giggling and jumping up and down.. hehehe..

Of course lah the person who was responsible for those wacko dares is me.. hahaha... But unfortunately the toy gun which we used as a spinning bottle pointed to me once.. strange.. The TRUTH was brain refreshing.. I found out quite a lot of stuffs about my so called innocent siblings and cousins of mine...

Udin: He has a crush on a girl in school. He tries to act macho and tough in front of his crush to get her attention but I'm not going to emphasize on the rest.. lets say its very.... refreshing.. lol

Shahrul: A classmate of his declared her love to him in a letter in Feb. At first he felt nonchalant towards her but as weeks pass, some feelings starts to grow. Plus, he even sends her to her house since it was so conveniently her house was on the way back to his...

I had a nice time being a counsellor to these two highly active teenage male hormones, especially Shahrul. If the evil glint in my eyes doesn't dither Shahrul on his attention on this girl, then some measures will have to be taken.

Heck!!! I can't believe this nonsense.. When I was his age, I don't even know what 'Stead' means and always mistaken it as a stallion since that is the synonym for it everytime my gal friends gossiped about some nonsense. He should be concentrating more on his studies and his future instead of some itchy-backside teenage girl who has an extremely high reactive hormones... Grr.. I think I should meet this Nur Whatever Her Name Is..

*shakes her head* Enough of the side track. We also had some counselling mediator session whereby the kids would discuss some of the problems they are currently facing and have none to confide in. Nana and I are of course the mediators, giving our insights on the problems at hand.

By the time we finally step out of Atuk's room, it was late evening and my parents, granny and Cik Lala was asking what the heck we were doing since we nearly collapsed the roof with our laughters, shrieks and whatever noise that we had made...

We just grinned while we looked at each other before finally breaking out in laughter.

It was an extremely fun and chaotic weekend. Too bad our 'meeting' is usually held every few months or so.. but as the saying goes, time makes the heart fonder... or was it distance?

*shrugs* oh well...

Emotional Break Down

5th April 2006,

Last night was a turbulence ride for me as waves of emotions and memories crashed over me. I guess those irritating Korean Dramas and lovey-dovey stories finally made its effect on me. Not to mention the months of pent up frustration and stress finally managed to crack the wall that I had thought was throughly reinforced.

I dunno what really happened but the mounting stress and a serious problem that had suddenly appeared suddenly made me realise one thing. I'm just a plain human being, not a Herculean warrior. And even the strongest breaks down once in a while.

All this while, I had potrayed myself as a happy go lucky person who laughs off her problems and smiles while I try to conquer one problems after another. But that's the thing, all this while, years the face that everyone had seen was just a mask, a mask to hide the real me.

I just couldn't let anyone realise the amount of problems I had, be it problems about my Company, family or personal. I just couldn't let anyone see the real me. I couldn't afford to look weak in front of everyone especially my family which meant I can't break down and cry my heart out whenever the mood strikes. To do so would means I had admit defeat and breaking down what's left of the hope that my parents had in me..

I had never felt so pressurised in my life, until lastnight. I felt so suffocated and trapped and like a cornered animal. It was 11pm and that was when I finally realised it. I'm not as strong as I had thought I was. I literally broke down and cried my heart out as I lay curled on my bed.

God! I had never felt like a lost little kid before... A confident well respected woman being reduced to a lost little girl certainly doesn't seem funny to me at that moment.

I had wanted to talk to someone, anyone about all of those problems I was facing but none seems to fit the picture. Ugh.. My head was spinning and my heart was clenching so painfully that it was pure pain to even breathe in. That was when my brain just went overdrive and memories of the times my Ex-Bf consoling and giving me moral support just flashed by.

That was the very moment I actually realised I really needed him in my life. He was always very gentle, caring and knows the exact moment I needed a moral boost or feeling down. He just seems to know exactly what to say and do.. And.. I actually cried of ever letting him go.

Why can't I just open my stupid eyes and realise that I actually and REALLY needed him in my life?! My stupid conscience was the bloody fault to it. I didn't want to tie him down cuz with my stupid work schedules and mounting problems, I could never spend enough time with him, could never give the attention and affection I know he needs.. haiz...

I MISS HIM DAMN IT!!! How I wish I can have him back at my side and assure me everything is going to be ok.. haiz.. I still love him... Stupid of me to ever think that I would get him off my mind.. haiz.. very stupid of me.. If only I can turn back time..

I WANT HIM BACK!!! *sniffles* I truly misses him....

Stupid emotional breakdown... stupid me... *sniffles*